Pilot
Opening Narration: There was a time when being a simple game show host meant little. That all changed when I gathered together the greatest fighting force the Earth has ever seen: The Wonder-hosts! Chuck Woolery! Bob Barker! Alex Trebek! Pat Sajak! Shandi Finnessey! And their secretary, Vanna White! I'm Richard, and I welcome you to Wonder-hosts!
SUPER: We now return to Wonder-hosts!
ACT I
INT. HEADQUARTERS - MORNING
Another quiet day at the Wonder-hosts' New York HQ. All of our heroes are quietly passing the time, when suddenly the phone rings!
VANNA
Hello! Wonder-hosts, I turn the letters, you clap! Uh huh...uh huh...okay. Got it!
The always excitable Pat Sajak is already suiting up in his combat tuxedo.
CHUCK
So, what do we got Vanna? Another Whammy attack?
BOB
Is the losing horn stuck again?
VANNA
No guys, we've got quite a case here. Seems somebody has raided Millionaire's money in the glass case.
ALEX
I better go consult with Richard.
BOB
You do that. It'll take me a while to suit up.
INT. HQ BASEMENT - MOMENTS LATER
Shandi is consulting with the computer which resembles HAL 9000 and sounds quite a bit like Richard Dawson, whilst Alex walks down the stairs. Coincidentally, the computer is named Richard.
RICHARD
Good morning Alex. How's Jeopardy?
ALEX
So-so, Mr. Dawson. Oops, Richard.
RICHARD
Hear we've got a problem.
SHANDI
He already sensed it. Tell the Chuckness to start the car.
RICHARD
I already started the car for you. You two better get going. Millionaire is a prestigious show and we don't want to keep it's two very important hosts waiting, do we?
Alex and Shandi head out, with Shandi getting into her gear (a bikini).
RICHARD
You know what happened when someone kept me waiting back in 74? Oh, of course nobody's here to listen...
EXT. MILLIONAIRE STUDIOS - DAY
A huge monster is looming atop the Millionaire building.
CHUCK
Well, looks like a typical day on the Love Connection.
PAT
Alright guys and gal, power up!
The five heroes equip their powers and slug it out with the gigantic bird-like beast.
BOB
Haven't had this much trouble with a contestant since that guy cheated on Dice Game!
SHANDI
You're telling me! I had to deal with the biggest geeks in history.
Alex, always the smart one, deploys his magic checkbook which sucks the beast inside.
PAT
Excellent as always Alex!
ALEX
It's nothing really. Just a gift from from Merv.
INT. MILLIONAIRE STUDIOS - CONTINUOUS
Regis is fuming, as is Meredith at the destruction that had just occurred.
REGIS
You know, you guys really have a problem with noise pollution!
MEREDITH
Yeah, really. Do you know how much sleep I get on a given day?
CHUCK
Eight hours?
SHANDI
Not now, Chuckness!
ALEX
Why don't you start at the beginning, Regis.
Bob is distracted when a Spaniel walks by and proceeds down the hallway. He follows and the rest of the crew doesn't seem to notice.
REGIS
Well, first off these ghouls waltz in and steal my Notre Dame jacket. Couldn't make 'em out since I was half asleep in the makeup chair.
MEREDITH
Next thing you know...
REGIS
I'm doing the talking here! So, the next thing you know, a racket is heard from down on the set and the opening music starts playing.
Regis attempts to do the opening Millionaire theme, poorly.
REGIS
I'm almost there when three other ghouls run off carrying the glass case full of money.
CHUCK
Was that even real money? You know, Millionaire is no Greed.
REGIS
Don't give me that.
PAT
Guys!
MEREDITH
I gotta head back to 30 Rock. Looks like my episode won't be filmed today.
REGIS
Yeah, it would be if these guys would do the job!
PAT
GUYS! Where's Bob?
A yell is heard from down the hall.
BOB
We'll be right back after this announcement!
SUPER: We now return to Wonder-hosts!
ACT II
FULL SHOT MILLIONAIRE SET - CONTINUOUS
The heroes rush into the set of Millionaire only to find it devoid of anything unusual. Bob is merely sitting in the host's chair, laughing hysterically.
CHUCK
Um, Bob what's so funny?
Bob continues laughing, as though he just watched the Tube Top Lady come on down and out.
SHANDI
Shall I flash him?
CHUCK
Um, isn't that something that only happens to me?
PAT
I'll get him. Hang on.
Bob begins to embiggen himself, growing to the height of the studio ceiling.
PAT
On second thought, this is more than a one man job.
CHUCK
More like a job for SuperChuck!
Chuck levitates up Bob's eye level. He is subsequently knocked down to the floor right at the feet of Shandi.
SHANDI
No witty quip about my lower body, Chuckness!
CHUCK
Darn. I had a good one too!
Bob is really angry and begins growing even larger. The heroes are forced to retreat outside.
ALEX
We need to regroup everyone!
INT. HEADQUARTERS - EVENING
After a rather unusual morning and an afternoon full of planning, Alex and Richard have stumbled upon a plan to defeat the evil force overtaking Bob. He presents his plan to the gang.
ALEX
According to our calculations, some non-corporeal force has infiltrated our dimension and subsequently overtaken the body of Bob Barker.
PAT
Hmm, so the ghoul is extra-dimensional?
ALEX
Richard has apparently had experience with them before.
CHUCK
From the looks of 'em, I'd say it'll be a tougher fight than any Whammy has ever given us...
SHANDI
Most likely. Tougher than a getting a Lingo with a bucket full of Stoppers.
CHUCK
Ewww, don't go there.
ALEX
If we could get back on track. Richard and I formulated that Chuck's Power-bills thrown in tandem with Shandi's psychic mindlock might just weaken it enough for my checkbook to trap it.
Vanna walks over to the gang.
VANNA
You guys need to get the Hostmobile going.
PAT
In his absence, I'll take the Showdown Wheel. Alex, the rocket launchers.
ALEX
What is "they were installed yesterday?"
They all head out in their respective vehicles. The Showdown Wheel has a tough time getting started, but Vanna gives it a spin and it's on the way!
VANNA
We'll be right back!
ACT III
FULL SHOT TIME SQUARE - MOMENTS LATER
The Wonder-hosts pull up in the Hostmobile. The Showdown Wheel blasts its way over several onlookers and right to the feet of the uber-large Bob Barker. Getting down to business, the heroes hop out of their lovely vehicle (actually a retrofitted and stretched Lincoln Continental.
CHUCK
That's one way to make an entrance Pat!
A lawyer for the city walks up in the midst of Bob's destruction of Time Square. Chuck pulls out his money, as though he already knows what's about to happen.
LAWYER
Hey buddy! That won't work on me! The mayor's got a lot of...uh...
CHUCK
Here, I'll let you take a look at that. Maybe feel it, smell it or something. That's ten grand right there.
LAWYER
I feel the need for greed, Chuck.
A car slams to the ground not far from them. The rest of the gang is taking on the huge Bob.
LAWYER
On second thought, I'm gonna have to disappoint my firm and take the money.
SHANDI
Chuckness! We need you over here, if you're not too busy.
ALEX
Pat, utilize the the Wheel's rockets! Chuck, use your Power-bills!
CHUCK
Uh, I just kinda gave 'em to that lawyer.
PAT
Ugh, here! Take my spare Lose-a-Turns!
Pat throws his triangular weapons to Chuck, who promptly blasts them toward Bob. The ghoul inhabiting Bob begins to separate from him.
BOB
No! You will not! I must remain to claim Barker's...
The ghoul separates completely and Alex opens the checkbook.
GHOUL
Beauties!
The ghoul is sucked inside the checkbook.
CHUCK
All in a day's bribery...I mean work.
INT. HQ BASEMENT - NIGHT
The heroes and Vanna are gathered around Richard, discussing the days events.
ALEX
Well, as usual, you were 100% correct Richard.
RICHARD
We still missed one thing: the money from Millionaire.
CHUCK
Uh, actually I might know something about that.
Shandi walks in with the moolah in its glass case.
SHANDI
Chuck's been trying to take that show down since they put Greed outta business.
VANNA
Chuck, return the money.
BOB
Yeah, you don't want Regis to fight you like I fought Sandler.
INT. MILLIONAIRE SET - CONTINUOUS
Regis sits in his chair, the set in ruins all around him. On the screen in front of him is security video of Chuck taking the money.
REGIS
Now I've got all I need! I'm gonna take the Wonder-hosts down!
FADE OUT
